Photo courtesy of http://www.harmony-korine.com

The most wonderful thing about the internet is that it sometimes gives you a gift when you are least expecting.

Sometimes you’re just browsing after a long day’s work, trying to catch up on all of the day’s news. You may check sports scores. You may read up on the latest pop culture happenings. But sometimes, nothing, NOTHING can prepare you for what you find.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I stumbled upon on Pitchfork today.

According to the article, rapper/cartoon character/facial hair connoisseur/James Franco doppelgänger RiFF RAFF and Spring Breakers director Harmony Korine are creating a book. Wait for it — comprised of / based on / inspired by RiFF RAFF’s tweets.

It gets better. I promise.

When asked about the collaboration, Mr. RAFF explained:

“Nobody can perfectly understand what I’m saying…There’s no right or wrong answer in an interpretation…I mean, it doesn’t matter, really, about how somebody else interprets something. It’s like, if I love chocolate chip cookies, and you’re allergic to chocolate chip cookies, and you come and you look at me like ‘Oh, I don’t like that. I can’t eat that,’ that doesn’t mean that the chocolate chip cookies aren’t still there. They are still right there, but the only difference is that I like them and you don’t.”

CLASSIC RiFF RAFF.

It’s hard to tell exactly how this book project is going to turn out, but there is one thing I do know:

There is a 100% chance this book is going to be awesome.

Why? Because it’s based off RiFF RAFF’s tweets. And RiFF RAFF is NOT not crazy. And after all, in RiFF RAFF’s own words (para-quoted above), the beauty is in the eye of the interpreter.

So let’s preview this book by reviewing and interpreting some of RiFF RAFF’s finest tweets to date.

Interpretation: Of all the incredible chefs coming out of Eastern Switzerland, RiFF RAFF’s signature pasta dish lands him in the number two spot. At least he’s modest.

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Interpretation:  Pretty self-explanatory. He went to Afghanistan in order to get his golden-brown on, whereas he had to travel all the way to Thailand to acquire a basketball. (By the way, LOVE RiFF RAFF’s use of Vine.)

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Interpretation:  A man who promotes the products he believes in. I can dig that.

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Interpretation:  RiFF RAFF sets lofty, yet realistic, goals. He also makes time for the people, himself (‘look good’), and having fun.

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Interpretation:  Oh, this one’s easy! Also, QOUTES > QUOTES.

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Okay, those are really fun, but now it’s time to get REAL.

Interpretation:  Charging people to use your bathroom is bullshit. If you’re going to charge them, you better make it worth their while.

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Interpretation:  RiFF RAFF wants to make love to an older, married woman.

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Interpretation:  First off, RiFF RAFF likes Greek salad. Second, he has a clear affinity for crack rocks. So much so that he tries to change the feta cheese on his Greek salads into crack using his mind. It’ll probably never happen, but if and when it does, it’ll make every Greek salad he’s ever purchased SO worth it.

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Interpretation:  #RiFFRAFFProblems

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Interpretation:  RiFF RAFF has a LOT of money. So much that he can buy the Harvard debate team to settle arguments for him.

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Beautiful. I can say with certainty that I’m not allergic to RiFF RAFF’s proverbial chocolate chip cookies.

I can’t wait for this book to drop.